White were Elected Pope?
John XXIII, Paul VI, John Paul I, John Paul II, and Benedict XVI.
The following are some thoughts for consideration:
cast of the Golden Girls as Reality
Show spinoff on the Eternal Word
Television Network (EWTN). In
the new series, her character, Rose
Nylund, will expand her St. Olaf
storytelling repertoire; Bea Arthur/
Dorothy Zbornak will be dean
of the College of Cardinals;
Estelle Getty/Sophia Petrillo
will run the Vatican Bank
(with a separate account for
betting at the dog track and
jai alai); and Rue McClanahan/
Blanche Devereaux will take
charge of the Swiss Guard.
|Archbishop Georg Gänswein|
of Benedict XVI, will continue as
a frequent guest star. Gänswein
has been the Pope’s consort since
1996. He began his priestly life
as a disciple of Archbishop Marcel
Lefebvre, the founder of the
reactionary Society of St. Pius X
(SSPX) and attended the group’s
seminary in Écône, Switzerland.
Pope John Paul II excommunicated
Lefebvre in 1988. Lefebvre died
in 1991. SSPX have had protracted negotiations with the Vatican to resolve doctrinal issues, but its status as a Roman Catholic institution remains in limbo.
Family Album: Some moments with Benedict XVI and Archbishop Georg Gänswein.
of the College of Cardinals and
lead the new Congregation for
Reconciliation with the Survivors
of Clergy Sexual Abuse. Winfrey
will have special authority as the
guarantor of Pope Betty’s legacy.
of U.S. television fame, will lead
the Congregation for Catholic
Education and work in concert
entitled, Rose Nylund of St. Olaf,
which will instruct the faithful in
the art of truthful storytelling —
the whole truth and nothing but
the truth. The encyclical will
include a compendium of 1,000
St. Olaf tall tales.
Letter entitled, Password, to
teach the faithful how to ask
the right questions when difficulties
upset the tranquility of life.
tied his ass to a tree and walked 40 miles.
Eve introduced profanity to the human?
tells us that Eve raised a little Cain.
the Red Sea?
that David served in the court of Saul.
for the Evangelization of the
People. Her Holiness believes in
his good looks and the fact that
he seems to have really listened
to his Mother – Gloria Vanderbilt –
and learned significant life lessons
at her knee.
Congregation for Bishops. The
Joan Rangers Fashion Police will
rein in the wardrobe excesses of
Raymond Cardinal Burke and the
lacey surplice crowd. Her Red
Carpet review will enhance
the Vatican’s accessorizing
Congregation of Divine Worship
revise Liturgical rubrics to
accommodate the needs of
contemporary society. Creative
input will include:
Lully Te Deum.
theatricality of the Holy Mass.
screechy Vatican Choir English Choir Music
such as the Miserere Mei Deus.
will manage a new Liturgical Arts
campaign.Hubert de Givenchy,
Carolina Herrera, and Giorgio
Armani will supervise the creative
talent, which will include Calvin
Klein, Thierry Mugler, Bob
Mackie, Paloma Picasso, Jil
Sander, Ermenegildo Zegna,
Emanuel Ungaro, Christian
Louboutin, Roberto Cavalli,
Miuccia Prada, Vivienne
Westwood, Jhane Barnes,
Kenneth Cole, Tom Ford,
James Galanos, and Narciso
Rodriguez. Imagine the
Daughters of Charity in a
Bob Mackie design or
the Madams of the Sacred
Heart in Givenchy, or the
Carmelites in Jhane Barnes.
Chic Simplicity: Hubert de Givenchy would allow women religious to gather
together in formal attire for special occasions (left to right) Ursulines,
Dominicans, and Sisters of Mercy.
Sophisticated: Givenchy (left to right), McQueen and Dior may have something to offer
the Sisters of the Holy Cross (left to right), Daughters of Charity of St. Vincent de Paul,
and the Franciscan Handmaids of Mary.
Vogue Habits: Chanel (left to right), Carolina Herrera, and Alexander McQueen are
just a sampling of designs that would serve well the Sisters of Loretto, Capuchins,
and Franciscans alike.
Prayerful Couture: Alexander McQueen (left to right), Jil Sander, and Carolina
Herrera could offer these designs to the Benedictines, Pink Sisters, and the
School Sisters of Notre Dame.
As for the 2013 Conclave, we’re heding our bets. The nationality of the next Supreme Pontiff may be one of the following:
First Choice: Italian — Will maintain the status quo and keep the lid on the Vatican bank scandel.
Second Choice: Spanish — Sympathetic to the Italian Curia, but questionable politics considering the role of that hierarchy in the Spanish Civil War and its affiliation with the Fascist regime of Fransico Franco (1936-1975).
Third Choice: French — Only if all else fails. The Curia could select a French cardinal just to keep the papacy in European hands and yet create the image of international sympathy.
Next Time: The New Disinformation Campaign of Francis Cardinal George to Bury Sex Abuse Scandal in the United States.